We're already fighting less than 2 months in. I fucking hate drama and I hate fighting. I hate even more that men make you cry then get mad at you for crying. I hate that someone who was supposed to be my best friend started treating me like shit just for getting to know someone. I also hate that he asked me to marry him before he really knows me, I actually cringed inside when I said yes. I was fully aware that would change once he really got to know me. Seems like its changing.
He got mad b/c I took up for his niece when I thought he was out of line with her. He won't let that go and has told me its not my business. Its totally my business when a man of 6'3" and 285lbs is screaming to a child of less than 5 foot tall and probably a whole 60lbs. I'm sorry, but as an adult you do NOT intimidate a child to get them to listen. Its not right, its not ok. You do not use your size advantage to threaten someone's comfort. I have way too strong of a maternal instinct to not say something to that. Maybe I shouldn't even be writing this but I'm so mad right now. I'm sick of being the one who is at the other person's disposal when they dont' even try to accommodate me in return.
I seriously don't think this is going to work out. I care about him, but I'm not up for the drama. I said before I met him that I was just going to stay single for a year. I might just need to go back to that and stick to it. I need to really take care of myself and if hes going to be getting in the way of how I feel about myself then I really don't need that crap in my life. Plus, he's not making any effort towards that divorce. I have the contact information for legal aide and he doesn't seem to be asking for it. I just don't know if he really is that committed to me. I don't really know if he even knows what commitment means.
Hell, I'm not sure I even know how to react to someone if they did know. He disagreed that our relationship, once married (and before if he really wants me to marry him in the first place) is going to have to come before everything else in our lives. THAT is the ONLY way marriages work, if you put the marriage before everything else. I don't know if he's really ready to get married again, it doesn't seem like it. I am ready and willing to get married, as long as the other person understands to what degree I expect them to be committed and they stick to it. No wonder people have disposable marriages anymore. They get married just to look good to everyone else, they dont' really take into consideration what they're actually saying "I do" to.
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