My quest to find myself (pt 1.)

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, that is without question.  I've also done more than a few things right, so why on earth is my life so far behind other people's?  I know its not exactly a race, but I'd like to be in the running for 'normal' if it was.  I don't like that I am 26 and live with my mother.  Contrary to popular belief, I'm not lazy nor unmotivated.  I've been taking care of my nephew for the last 11 years and he's come before having a job or anything else for that matter.  Now that he's older, its time for me to find myself and I really don't know where to start.  The ONLY thing holding me back is lack of money and a job to save some.  Sounds like an easy fix right? YOU try explaining to a 'would be boss' that you've been caring for your sister's child since before you were of legal driving age.  It sounds wild and they think its an excuse.  Um.. since children under 12 aren't supposed to be home alone, I consider it being responsible.  There's been very few employers who understood my plight and worked with me on the hours and days I needed to work or be off.  

Those who find it unbelievable would have worked with me if it had been my own biological child, I guarantee this.  I know its hard for others to understand that someone would give up their adolescence and early adulthood for someone else's child, but she's my sister and she wouldn't have hesitated to do the very same thing had the tables been turned.  I've missed out on a lot, but I've also received so much more.  I got first steps, first words, first laughs, hugs, kisses, funny pictures, and a whole slew of precious memories with my nephew, memories that most Aunts and Uncles don't get.  I'm a parent for lack of a better word, I just haven't given birth yet; I just wasn't old enough to have custody of him when my sister passed (I was 15), but you better believe I took on the role of caregiver faster than most adults I know would have.  

Now its my turn, I just don't know where to start.  I don't want to be so far from my family that I can't see them, but I need to move out of the same town so that I can get on my own feet outside of my comfort zone, so that if I fail I can't fall back on my mother's home and am forced to make it work.  The first step would be to find a job that would give me an ungodly amount of hours for at least a few months until I have the amount of money  needed to even begin to do what I need to do.  

Haha, just short of 5-10 thousand people sending me $1 a piece, there's really no other way.  Whats stopping me? A car, or lack of lol.  I live in a town where when I've attempted to walk to work moronic drivers think its funny to see if they can scare the person walking by playing "chicken".  Sounds funnier than it is, I promise. If one of those idiots loses control, we're both goners.  It wasn't just one person, it was the majority.  Drivers Education isn't required in Arkansas to get your license, and the drivers in this town make it very obvious.  Its a catch 22, its my only catch though.  If I can figure this situation out I'll be good to go.  

Where does one start when you have nothing to start with? I seriously enter sweepstakes every single day hoping for a miracle...lol, even though my common sense tells me its not going to happen; at least I have as much chance as anyone else.  Small chance or not, its a chance.  I have tried finding a boyfriend who has a job and a car to help ME get to a job, but I'm being reminded of why I don't rely on other people.  I never have relied on men to do for me, b/c I always get the really selfish ones who only think of themselves.  I think I'll go back to being single and figuring it out on my own like my original plan was. I think living on my own for at least 6 months would be a great way to find myself anyway, I mean how can you find yourself if you never spend time with just yourself, on your own two feet?  I don't want to wait til after I'm married (if ever), and future children are grown and moved out before I attempt to find myself.  I don't want to be one of the women who are over 40 before I know who I am.  I want to know before I get there, so I can truly enjoy my youth and not waste it.  There's only so much of it left.  

If anyone out there has any ideas let me know. (that isn't an open invitation for judgment) I've already tried the first 50 things on your list of suggestions though, and they didn't work out.  I learned not to 'catch rides' with coworkers b/c other ppl aren't reliable.  I tried that, its how I wound up walking 5 miles home during rush hour on a main road.  Buses don't run on my street, by the time I got to a bus stop I might as well keep walking to my destination, which in this town isn't exactly the most safe thing to do.  I DO own a bicycle, but I'm not in good enough shape to ride it very far yet.  I'm workin on it, but after not riding a bike for 15 years; you forget how very strong your legs were as a child. 

Now, give me a new idea lol.