Ya know what? I think the holidays are just meant to recap your accomplishments and failures of the year to your relatives. This person has a perfect job, this person has a new baby, this person is in school, and this person is a complete failure at life. I hate holidays, they just shine everyone else's great lives in my face. If you haven't guessed, I'm the failure at life. I'd probably feel different if I was the one in school, with the great job, or with the new baby. Nope... not me. My biggest accomplishments were learning to make a vegetarian lasagna and a tofu chocolate pie (that not one person guessed was tofu btw, I DO have to pat myself on the back for that one.)
I really wish I could see enough into the future to know if the next year was going to yield anything new for me, but at the same time if the answer is no I might just lose it so I guess its a good thing. No matter how hard I've tried in the past, the things I want never happen. The only time I get good things is random out of the blue, and just in the nick of time. Not that its a bad thing, I always seem to have what I need. I just want something more ya know? My cousin had his new baby at Christmas tonight. He's precious. He's all new and pink, the sound of him eating makes my heart melt. My ovaries started screaming the second I laid eyes on him. I have to wonder if there's some kind of cosmic joke out that I'm the butt of. I'd give body parts to be a mother, and I mean that literally. As long as I have one arm to hold a baby I'm good.
Why do the wonderful things happen for everyone else? Where's my wonderful? I'm not asking for much, just a tiny miracle in one form or another that will allow me to be a Mommy. Simple huh? I wish.
Ok that is my rambling for now... just had to get some thoughts out. Happens occasionally...
No comments:
Post a Comment